Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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