You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
