i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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