i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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