Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
