just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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