I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
