i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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