Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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