There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
