Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
