pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
