It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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