you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
