How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
