at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
