Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
