So drunk its hurt
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
