Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
