my phone needs a breathalizer
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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