You can't special order awesome
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
