Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
