I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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