it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Vodka?
Forever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
