She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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