Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
