So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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