I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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