if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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