Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
