It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
