Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
