Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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