They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
