An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
