Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
