Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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