I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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