She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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