i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
