the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
