do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
