Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
