I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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