Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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