Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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