This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
