Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you would pick up someone in the library
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
