oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
even my farts smell like vagina
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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