My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
