I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
