I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just had sex on a roof
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
